Acceptance

I want to talk about when life is going wrong, you’re not where you want to be and coming to a place of acceptance for where you are at.

It’s safe to say that I certainly don’t want to be where I’m at right now! Recovering from a horrific health relapse that has stolen 2 and a half years of my life, still living at home at the age of 30, very single and with no achievements to my name. I long for what everyone else has; a relationship, a home of my own, a career, a baby, just some freedom would be nice! I’ve battled greatly at not being able to have these things and not knowing if my illness will ever allow me to have them. For a long time I’ve been beaten by the emotions that overwhelm me over what my illness stops me from having, but with a lot of self work I am now beating them and am living from a happier place.

Many people live a life they are not happy with. Many people go through hardship. Life is tough! When you are in a situation you don’t want to be in you can either let it beat you,  change it or accept it. When it’s beating you life feels impossible. In changing it comes challenges but rewarding outcomes. If you can’t change it then the hardest but best thing to be done is to accept it with all your inner strength and come to terms with where life has lead you thus far. With acceptance comes peace, relief from the fraught inner emotional battles and renewed energy in the tank to enjoy life from where you are at.
It’s taken me a long time to accept that my life is as it is and I can’t do anything to change it. But what I can do is change my outlook on it. I can change the way I see my life, my self and my future. I can hope, I can learn and I can be in a place of acceptance and positivity. I don’t allow my circumstances to define me anymore. I am myself, I just have an illness.

I find gratitude in every little thing I can do and every positive thing I have in life. I look for what my life circumstances can teach me and I learn what I can from where I’m at. Each time I hit a down patch I try and allow it to make me that much stronger than I was before it reared it’s ugly head.

When you change your outlook from ‘I wish my life was like this’ to ‘Ok this is where I’m at, time to accept it’, life does become easier.  You are no longer using all your energy on wishing for what you don’t have and you can focus that energy instead on enjoying life from where you are at and creating ways in which you can make changes to your situation, if that is possible. Your mind becomes free-er and more relaxed without the inner conflict of wishing things were different. Acceptance makes you stronger and more level-headed to deal with what life is throwing at you. The battleships blowing cannons at your life feel easier to deal with when you are in this state of mind.

I think one of the biggest thieves of joy is comparison. It’s taken me a freakin long time to realise this I tell you! One of the worst things is to compare your life to everyone else’s. You may be comparing your life to another’s and wishing you had what they had, but there may be someone looking at your life and wishing they had what you have. There will always be someone better off than you and there will always be someone worse off than you. Take life at YOUR pace. Let go of comparing your life to other people’s. Life will become happier when you are focused on your journey and no one else’s. Let go of where you think your life should be at, accept things as they are and dont compare your life to everyone else’s. Things are often never as they may seem from the outside and you never know what battles other people are secretly fighting.

I want 2019 to be a year of acceptance for where I’m at, positivity that life will be good with this illness in toe instead of hampered, hope that things can and will continue to get better, and full to the brim of so many happy times!

I’m learning there is no rush! Life is not a competitive race to collect everything on the list of adulthood before everyone else. There is plenty of time. Be happy for those that have what you don’t have and enjoy it with them. Have the strength to support those going through hard times, they will need their friends. And squeeze every bit of happiness from the good times!

All my love,
Leanne x

Shitstorm 2.0

Hi!

Its been a while since I last blogged!

Two and a half years infact.

In August 2016 I had a massive relapse of my conditions M.E and POTs. It has been a shitstorm to say the least. It has been very challenging, terrifying and devastating. None of my GPs, nor my consultant, gave a crap as there was nothing they could do to help. We found ourselves in a very isolating and scary place, left entirely on our own with no medical support to navigate and fight this severe, debilitating illness to the best of our ability and strength. Again.

When I was 16 I first became ill and had to leave school. I was bedbound and didn’t leave my house for 7 years. I was considered in the worst 10% affected by this illness. I gradually improved after those awful 7 years to being able to go out 3-4 times a week, attend parties, weddings and christenings etc and have a more normal life. All be it not a full normal life. I was still not well enough to work or have a relationship. Two things I desperately wish I could have.

Getting ill again put the fear of god into me that I was going to be facing the same situation for years on end again. It was a devastating prospect at the age of nearly 30. Thankfully I have the best parents and the best friends a girl could ask for. They have dragged me through this relapse and got me through the worst times with their hugs, love and laughs whilst I have been iller than ever before.

The first 18 months of this relapse I couldn’t get out of bed; the times I could I couldn’t get off the sofa. There were times my body felt so severely ill and out of control I didn’t understand how I could be this ill and not be dying. There wasn’t a pill I could take to help any of it go away.

I could only see a friend once every few months. If we had visitors to the house I could only sit in with them for a few minutes before I felt very ill and exhausted. I was too ill to watch tv, listen to music or audiobooks, use social media, or contact friends often. I couldn’t even cope with speaking to my parents for longer than 5 minutes. I couldn’t get dressed. Pyjamas were my uniform. My hair would get washed once every 2-3 weeks and I was too ill to give a shit that my hair looked like it could fry a dozen eggs. Usually by the time my rats tails got washed they had begun to condition themselves. I always wondered if that was a real thing.

I was running on a permanent empty battery that just wouldn’t recharge, no matter how much sleep I got through a full night, and often day too.

I lost all my self confidence and self worth. I became a person I didn’t even recognise anymore. Scared, vulnerable, and questioning whether I would ever get better again, given that this time things were even worse than the last time I was bedbound. This relapse once again stole my life and my hopes and dreams for the future.

Things have been improving over the last six months though which I am eternally grateful for. For a long time there was no improvement and it was soul destroying. I am gradually increasing my outings now, starting with going a mile up the lane in the car to now slowly making my way round the local coffee shops ….. or anywhere that sells prosecco! I use a wheelchair and it is my chariot to freedom!

Recovery is a wonderfully liberating experience of being reborn again. Experiencing simple things for the first time after not having done so in a long time is magical. I will never forget the first time I stood on grass having not been outside for months. When I got to Gold Hill again it was 100 times more beautiful than I ever remembered, or ever appreciated it to be. And prosecco definitely tastes 100 times more glorious than before! Last week I got to a supermarket for the first time in 2 years and I don’t think anyone has ever been so happy to go through the doors of ASDA!

Recovery is also incredibly frustrating. I want to be better now and I want my life back now. My recoveries always seem to be at the pace of a snail though! I feel like I’ve waited a lifetime, but I’m closer than I’ve been in 2 years, and I keep being reminded of that by my friends and family when I get low. I’m learning its ok to be low when things are going well; its part of the process. I just need to be patient. Patience is a virtue they say!

I’m beginning to have hope in my dreams again and that is the most precious thing recovery brings; hope.  That I may still get well enough to have the life that everyone else has. I live for that now and I am determined to get there no matter what I have to go through.

Life happens and you have to live through it to the best of your ability. You have to change yourself and adapt to life’s unfortunate deliveries. You have to pull a strength and resilience from deep within you that you never knew you had.

Amongst the low times, I have learnt a great many lessons on life from this relapse. The main one being that pain is our greatest opportunity for growth and there is a beauty to that. In the low times now I try to learn from them instead of drowning in them. I try and give them a purpose. If you can learn and grow from the bad then they aren’t entirely pointless. I don’t believe in the shit-pile saying “Everything happens for a reason” … *PROJECTILE VOMS*. But I do believe that you can grow from the bad things life throws at you. There is never any light in a bad situation, but maybe, just maybe, there is something to be learnt. Whether it be a strength within you never knew you had or how incredible your friends are.

I don’t believe any hippie dippy bullcrap like it came to teach me or I was given it because I’m strong enough, but I do believe I can grow through it whilst its happening to make my future happier, stronger and more resilient to anything life throws at me (which will hopefully be nothing *thumbs up emoji*).

I’ve written this for awareness, to make others going through the same feel less alone. But also to look back on when I’m well again so I shall always be grateful for reaching a better place.

Thank you to the people who have gotten me through and helped bring me back to myself. I love you dearly and I will always be here for you.

All my love,

Leanne x

The Beauty Tag!

Hi Everyone!

Twice in one day, aren’t you lucky!!

I just come across ‘The Beauty Tag’ and got all excited because I bleedin’ love doing these things! SO, here we goooo!

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Skincare

How many times do you wash your face daily?

Twice. In the morning I use my trusty Liz Earle Cleanse and polish, and in the evening I remove my make up with Emma Hardie Amazing face Moringa Cleansing Balm, followed by Oskia Renaissance Cleansing gel to cleanse.

What type of skin do you have?

Normal to combination skin. My t-zone can get a bit oily andthe rest of my face can get a bit dry sometimes, generally its normalish!

Do you exfoliate? If so, which brand do you use?

I do! Around twice a week. Love a good scrub! I’ve recently found a new holy grail scrub from Lush that has made me never want to try another scrub! The Cup O’ Coffee scrub is perfection in a little black tub. Its level of scrubbiness is 10/10 without being too harsh. And it smells sooo good!! Like a caffeine hit without drinking coffee *thumbs up emoji*.

Do you have acne prone skin?

No I don’t, which I am very grateful for.

Make Up

What foundation do you use?

I switch between two, Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk and Lancôme Teint Idole. I love both! Luminous Silk is more glowy in finish and Teint Idole has a fuller coverage. I would repurchase and recommend both!

How about concealer?

On spots and blemishes I love the Collection concealer that everyone and their dog loves to use and under my eyes I am loving the Maybelline Eraser Eye Concealer. Its the perfect peachy shade for covering my panda circles and miraculously, doesn’t crease in my fine lines! Possibly the first concealer not to. Or maybe its a testament to my eye cream!

Do you know your undertone?

No. Well that answered that.

What do you think of false lashes?

I hate the little bastards!! Completely impossible to put on! Anyone that can do it successfully without half the lash hanging off their eyelash has witchcraft in them I swear.

What brand of mascara do you use?

Lancôme Hypnose, Doll eyes waterproof and Grandiose, and Benefit Rollerlash. I love all of them!

Sephora or Mac?

Going to Mac is great, but I’m gagging to go to a Sephora!! Infact, I only want to go to New York so I can go to Sephora. So without even going to one, I’m saying Sephora over Mac fo sho. So many brands, so much make up to be bought!

What tools do you use in your make up application?

Couple of spanners, drill, hammer. What tools do you think I use?!!

Do you use eye primer?

Indeedy I do! I use Urban Decay Primer Potion in Eden. It covers my dark eyelids so well I love it 🙂

For the face?

I use Lancôme la base pro perfection make up primer which I hate because its so silicone-y. I’m sure it sticksmy make up in place quite well but I really don’t like the texture. I think I will either go back to Benefit Porefessional or try Too Faced Hangover primer next.

Do you use liquid or pencil eye liner?

I blinkin’ love liquid liner! Its so black and so crisp! I love creating a good wing. Only took 2 years to perfect my wing technique. I do like pencil liner for my waterlines though.

Do you prefer colour shades or neutral shades?

Neutral shades all day e’ryday babe! Urban Decay Naked 1, 2 and Too Faced Chocolate palette are my favourite kind of palettes.

Well that was fun!

Thanks for reading!

Toodle pip!

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All My Love,

Leanne x

Summer Make Up Wishlist ~ Part 2!

Hey Everyone!

Back with part two aren’t I! Told you it was coming! I just really want a lot of make up!! Hahaha

So here is the next batch of face-painting goodness that is on my wishlist….

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First up Stila All Day Liquid Lipstick in Patina. I’ve heard on the bloggy grapevine that these liquid lipsticks have great staying power and dry completely matte … Just what I’m after! They are pretty nicely priced as well at £16 – not too bad at all!

bca025_becca_shimmeringskinperfectorpressed_moonstone_1560x1960-hrytk.jpgNext up is Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed in Moonstone. Kathleen Lights loves these highlighters and naturally if she likes it, I want it! A lot of people love Champagne pop which Becca made in collaboration with the amazing Jaclyn Hill, but I think it may be a bit too yellow toned for me. Moonstone, however, looks perfect and I cant wait to get my hands on it so I can sparkle like a unicorn!

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So many youtubers talk of this product, the Bare Minerals Complexion Rescue, and how they love to use it in the summer due its its lightweight formula yet good coverage. Well that sounds good to me so I winged it on the wishlist! Its always nice to have something lightweight on your base for summer. Normal foundation formulas can feel heavy and sticky in the summer. This is a crème gel formula that also has skincare benefits which is pretty handy – killing two birds with one stone! I would really love to try this out; I freakin love trying new bases!!

19089555a2c578c622d386c35ac86884.jpgI have wanted to try the Hourglass Ambient Lighting Blushers for SO long. Just look at them! Bleeeedin beautiful! They are known for their photoluminescent technology which creates a stunning radiance on the skin. The shades I am most eager to try are the above one ‘Luminous Flush’, ‘Diffused Heat’, a rosy pink, and ‘Incandescent Light’, a glowy coral.

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This product I have had on my wishlist for ages. Its the Giorgio Armani Fluid Sheer in 5. I’ve had a sample pot of this shade for nearly a year, its lasted me so well! But I’m nearing the end of it and I don’t know how I’m going to live without it!! Its my absolute favourite blush to wear and only comes out on special occasions. Its such a gorgeous shade and has a lovely glow to it. At £36.50 a pop though, its going to have to be saved until the birthday fairies want to shower me in make up presents! But then it is Giorgio Armani. I do love a bit of super luxury to make you feel a million dollars! I’d love to try other shades also; They have highlighting, bronze and blusher shades, its such a versatile product!

rouge-coco-ultra-hydrating-lip-colour-402-adrienne-35g.3145891724028Lastly on my epic wishlist is the Chanel Rouge Coco Lipsticks, in Catherine and Adrienne. I have ‘Edith’,  a beautiful subtle barbie pink which I bought for a wedding last year. Its got to be one of my favourite formulas of lipstick I own. Great wear time and not too sticky – the two things I look for in a lipstick! At £25 they are very pricey, but as I just said a little bit of luxury is good for the soul!!

So there we have it, my complete summer wishlist!

If you cant afford to buy expensive make up, make a wishlist! …. Also good for the soul!

I hope you enjoyed perusing through the products my little heart most longs for.

What are you wishing away for right now?

untitledAll My Love,

Leanne x

 

 

 

Summer Make Up Wishlist ~ Part 1!

Hey Everyone!

After a while away I think I have my blogging pants back on! Hurrah! Nothing like writing about a juicy piece of Chanel to get you back in to the swing of things!

So today I have for you my summer make up wishlist. It is pretty vast so I am going to do it in two parts! My little heart forever has space in it for copious amounts of new make up it wishes to have grace my face! So here we go!….

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First up the Chanel Rouge Coco Shine lipsticks. I created this collage before I very excitedly received the shade ‘Boy’ from a friend. It doesn’t matter though because I now want all the shades of these lipsticks! Such a lovely, shiny, glossy finish and moisturising formula!

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Next up, Chanel Dimensions De Chanel mascara. I had a sample of this mascara from Boots and I absolutely love it! I wondered whether the expectations of this mascara would live up to the precedence of this expensive brands name, but alas it certainly did! This mascara gives my lashes such a great lift, curl and volume I am desperate to have it in my collection!…. I have three Lancôme mascaras and Benefit Rollerlash to use up first though *hands over eyes monkey emoji*

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I had my make up done at a Chanel counter last week. I love how sitting in a Chanel chair getting your make up done makes you feel so good! Its like the Chanel counter has a holy halo surrounding it! I asked for the girl to use the Vitalumiere Aqua foundation that is so hyped in the youtube/blogging world. The hype is right! The finish of this foundation is so beautifully dewy I was dumbfounded at how gorgeous the finish was. Well that went straight to the top of my wishlist! I LOVE getting new foundations.  Its like getting a new face each time you acquire a new one! This will definitely be my next foundation!

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Next up I saw Camilla Fredrikke use this new limited edition Bobbi Brown Highlighter in Telluride in this video. Its such a stunning glow and shade I reeeally do want it a large amount!! But at £34 I cant justify that price for a Highlighter. Despite how beautiful the powder design is… *sighs*.

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Another Bobbi Brown product I’m lusting for at the moment is their Lip colour lipsticks in Sandwash Pink. This is the shade that Kate Middleton wore on her wedding day. Its such a gorgeous pinky nude. I think when I have finished Mac Crème Cup I will get this lipstick to replace it.

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Moving onto a brand I have never tried before, Becca. Becca are known for their highlighting products in particular. I am desperate to get my hands on their Luminous blushes in basically ANY colour! I heard about them from Estee Lalonde’s July favourites video and also an Allana Davison Sephora Haul video. These blushes looked so beautifully glowy! I am desperate to get me some of that glow on my cheeks!

And that is part 1 done! I shall be back soon for part 2!

Hope you are all loving this awesome hot weather right now!

What products are you wishing away for right now?

untitledAll My Love,

Leanne x

 

 

 

 

 

Chanel Rouge Coco Shine ~ Boy

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Yesterday, I had a wonderful surprise come through post from my dear friend Rachel, A Girl Recommends …. Only Chanel Rouge Coco in ‘Boy’!! My heart jumped for joy and my eyes went ‘Heart-eye emoji’!

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Its such a beautiful natural colour, nearly a perfect match to my own lip colour. It will go with every make up look you could possibly create! Such a great shade to have in your collection. It gives a beautiful glossy shine to the lips that makes them look so shapely and luscious. The formula is a sheer, balmy texture and so soft on the lips. I can see why bloggers say its moisturising!

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The natural esters in this lipstick immediately moisturise the lips. The meadowfoam oil derivative protects and maintains hydration for 8 hours. Phyto-ceramides protect and smooth the lips by imitating the skin’s ceramides. That’s a complicated sounding bunch of ingredients that I’m sure will be great for my smackers!

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The packaging is stunning! Just look at it! The beautiful bold black and gold colour theme is characteristic of Chanel’s famous House colours. The bullet is slimmer than other Chanel lipsticks which I actually like; more handy to slip into your bag!

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Overall verdict: 10/10 beautiful!

Everyone go buy them!

I cant wait to add more shades to my lipstick hoard!

Do any of you own any Chanel Rouge Coco Shines? Tell me which are your favourite shades!

untitledAll My Love,

Leanne x

 

The Beauty Blogger Tag

Hi Everyone!

It almost looks like summer is trying to come outside! Almost. Amongst the grey clouds and arctic temperature. Come on Summer! You can do it!!

I was tagged by my lovely little jem of a friend A Girl Recommends to do this tag – thank you gorgeous! Go check out her blog, its sexy as hell if you’re a beauty lover! I am buzzin’ to answer her questions whilst shimmeying in my seat to Ariana Grande’s dang hot album! Definitely my fave album this summer!!

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Image from Google

The Rules:
– Tag the blogger who nominated you
– Answer the questions
– Come up with 10 questions of your own
– Nominate other bloggers, don’t forget to tell them

So here are the questions Rachel asked me…. Ready to strut my Beauty Blogger Tag butt!! Here we go:

  1. What products do you like to splurge on?  Definitely has to be foundation and mascara. I love me some high end foundation and mascara! They make me feel like a princess when I wear them. That’s some powerful shizz if make up can do that to a girl!
  2. If you could only choose to do one before leaving the house, would you do your hair or your makeup? Kick as smoky eye and messy hair all the way!!  Make up makes me feel so good that if I’m wearing my favourite make up I’m going to feel so good I wont care how bad my hair looks!
  3. How long do you last with chipped nail polish? A matter of hours! As soon as I can make my nails perfect again I will. I cannot *stand* my nail varnish looking shabby!! Perfect nails = Happy Leanne.
  4. What item is at the top of your beauty wishlist? Oh jeeeez louise! DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG MY WISHLIST IS?!! And you want me to choose ONE?!! Good Lordy Gordy. This is heart attack inducing stuff. OK. I think I can whittle it down to the Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua Foundation, Chanel Dimensions De Chanel mascara and the Too Faced Chocolate Bon Bons Eyeshadow palette. Joint top 3 *thumbs up emoji*.
  5. Is your hair natural or have you dyed it? My answer to this question is that I don’t know what my natural hair colour is anymore haha I love getting my hair highlighted. I’ve always had it bright blonde but I had a load of coppery highlights put in for last winter which I absolutely loved! So I think I will be doing that again in the autumn 🙂
  6. How long does it take to put your makeup on in the morning? If I’m doing a natural face then I can be done in 10 minutes. But if I’m going out and want a nice smoky eye then I like to take my time to get my make up perfect and would spend 30-40 minutes doing it. God that sounds like ages! *hands covering eyes monkey emoji* I just really love doing my make up! Its my favourite thing to do 🙂
  7. How long do you spend on WordPress a day/week? Probably half an hour a day. I really love reading people’s new post of the day and also going through your past posts on your blogs. Wordpress is my Facebook replacement and its such a better, more positive place than facebook!!
  8. How often do you wash your makeup brushes? Oh god. I’m terrible at doing this!! Maybe once every 2 months?! * hands covering mouth monkey emoji*
  9. Do you do your face or eyes first when you’re putting your makeup on? I always do my eyes first incase I get eyeshadow fall down or smoke out too far with a smoky eye. I find it easier to clean up without messing with my foundation/under eye concealer and trying to rectify it.
  10. What is your next blog post going to feature?  I haven’t yet decided! But I was thinking about continuing my ‘How much is my face worth’ and making it into a bit of a series by doing two make up posts with high end and drugstore products and seeing how much my face is worth. Given what a shock the final total of my skincare regime was I shall probably need mouth to mouth resuscitation for my high end make up face!

And that’s all the questions done! Thanks so much Rach, it was so much fun! I love doing these tag posts so please tag me!

I nominate:

Jessica Jade

Owl You Need Is Love

Alice Rambles

Emily Mae

Here are my questions for you ladies…

  1. You’re in the drugstore; which is the first make up counter you go to?
  2. Similarly, you’re in a department store surrounded by high end counters; which do you go to first to indulge?
  3. What is your current nail varnish colour?
  4. Which foundation is your Holy Grail?
  5. Where is your most wished for holiday destination right now?
  6. What is your most wished for make up item(s) currently?
  7. Which perfume is your summer scent this year?
  8. Which eyeshadow palette is your most used, go to palette?
  9. Country girl or city girl?
  10. What is your current summer tuuuune?

I’m excited to see your answers and hope you girls have as much fun doing this tag as I have!

Also, if anyone else fancies doing this tag please do so even if I haven’t nominated you 🙂

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All My Love,

Leanne x